Chemo Curls and Self Love.
Having had curly hair all my life, I always stood out, no one looked like me growing up, thanks to my curly hair. Eventually I learned to make my uniqueness my superpower. People would stop me in the street to ask me about my hair, or they’d ask me on the regular if they could touch it. Why were they so mesmerised with my hair? I had no idea it just grew out of my head like that. Out with my control.
Until one day, it didn't.
(Now, I'd like to preface this by saying, a sad story this is not! Chemo took my hair, the crown of curls that I had grown, loved and nurtured, but it gave me my life back. I’m happy to report my curls are making their come back. And if you’re going through hair loss yours will too.)
Before I lost my hair, I spent all my time thinking of ways I could make it better, for me that meant having some control. I prepared by buying all the turbans, head coverings and hats I could find. My friends sent me beautiful head scarfs, earrings, and gifts to make sure I knew they were thinking of me. I spent some time experimenting so that when the time came I would have options. I even started wearing some of them out before my hair had said its last goodbyes. This way I would be in control.
Then I spent some time working on trying to feel okay with it all. I accepted that losing my hair was part of the process. That didn't mean it was easy. Here comes that word again, and this time it was about letting it go. Control.
I knew the time had come when one day I left a shopping centre and a gust of wind caught me so hard I honestly thought my hair had flown off. If it was that fragile, it was time. Everyone is on different treatment protocols, and it’s not the same for everyone, but as my oncologist predicted, for me that was approx 4 rounds into chemo.
Prior to that, I researched all of the ways I hoped to prolong my hair falling out. And for some reason I thought that might give me some control. I thought it would shed from the back or the sides where I slept. It didn’t. The silk pillowcase that I insisted on sleeping on didn’t stop my hair from falling out. But I still enjoyed the feeling of the silk every time I put my head on it. My hair had quite unceremoniously decided to fall out in a completely unexpected pattern.
My hairline was the first to go, and literally came out one day in my hand. Looking back, that sounds like a cruel horror story, but I can say that it wasn't as bad as it sounded.
In the end, I shaved my hair in February 2024 after trying to hold on as long as I could for my friend's 40th birthday. I lasted until the morning after, my husband did the honours and my kids’ held my hand, but I wasn’t sad. I had that C word again, right within reaching distance. Control.
In the days and weeks after, when I heard their little footsteps approaching I would shout warnings of “Don’t forget mummy’s bald!” for fear of them forgetting and getting the fright of their lives when they saw me. But no one ever did, that is, except for me.
I would look in the mirror first thing in the morning and wonder who the hell was staring back at me, or I’d accidentally catch sight of myself in the reverse camera on my phone (as if that wasn’t bad enough already). I’d look around in the treatment rooms and I realised that just like cancer doesn't discriminate, the treatment that makes you better slowly takes away all of your defining features too, your hair falls out, and natural skin tone seems to fade to grey. My uniqueness felt like it had been taken away.
We should probably take a minute of silence here for the brows and lashes because when they leave you too, that hits hard.
Robbed of your individuality, your health, and your vitality it takes every shred of confidence to leave the house, at a time when energy is already low.
If you are lucky you might have people around you telling you how gorgeous you are without your hair (my girls kept me going every damn day) but it's really only you who can get yourself up, and sometimes it takes a lot to dig that deep.
Some days you won’t, and that's okay.
I was completely bald for about 4 months. As I sit now with a good 3-4 cm of hair on my head, I look back on my period of baldness, that in the scheme of things didn't last that long, or at least I can say that now. Every time I stepped out with that bald head of mine, it used every shred of energy I had to hold it up high. It was hard.
The first time I ‘washed my hair’ I got out of the shower and wrapped my head in a towel. I just did it out of muscle memory but when I realised what I’d done, boy it made me laugh.
But I got better at it.
The second time, I actually thought about what my body might need to support it during this time. I started by giving my scalp a gentle cleanse with Crown Curly Cleanser, I did this because I wanted to give myself some love and care and not really for any other reasons.
Of course, there were the added benefits, such as the gentle natural ingredients to hydrate and invigorate my scalp. The zingy menthol to stimulate and cleanse plus bringing blood flow to my scalp and follicles through a loving head massage.
But for me, I just wanted to remind myself that I was loved, and so I would massage my scalp with love and intention. I made a pact with myself not to be mean to my little bald head, after all it didn't have a say in the process and it was definitely none of our faults.
I’d finish my ritual with a generous dose of hair oil, to massage all over the scalp which kept me feeling healthy and banished the flakes that sometimes tried to make themselves at home. With all the good ingredients I couldn't think of anything better to wrap my fragile follicles in.
If you have found yourself on this page after losing your hair to cancer and chemo curls making a comeback I’d love to invite you to treat them from a place of love, even though they might be new around here. You might not look like you used to, and they may well be the uninvited unpredictable addition to your once well behaved head.
Curls are unique, just like you. Sometimes you can have more than one curl type on your head, check out our About Curls section to see where you might fit in. That means there's no one die hard method, having curly hair is a choose-your-own-adventure type of, well, adventure. And I hope that once you get to know them a little better you can let them down and work out how to have a little fun together.
I hope you found some comfort in my story, losing your hair is outwith your control. And maybe you haven’t lost it all, but any chance to something so emotionally charged as your hair can be hard. Finding comfort is a game changer in how it makes you feel. I hope this story isn’t as disjointed as the way my experience felt, and the way my fragile brain allows me to re tell it. My self-care rituals saved me through my journey to getting better. Without them, I don't know what I would have done. I have more heartfelt words on the subject here.
So I’m sharing my prescription for feel-good-moments through cancer treatment, or losing your hair:
- Treat your body with an uplifting shower gel, to take your focus off how you maybe would have usually spent in the shower (washing your hair)
- Cleanse and invigorate your scalp using Hair Cleanser
- If you choose to wear a wig or head covering make some time for self-care and time off for your scalp to breathe in between wears. Moisturise overnight, I loved using Crown Curly Hair Oil.
- Use a coloured dry shampoo to help disguise balding patches or areas that are growing back. We recommend Wrénew® all natural and also Australian, just like us!
- Use a castor oil or lash serum when you start to see a flutter (for me, it was quicker than hair) around 2-4 weeks after end of treatment I use the Eye Lash+Brow Revitaliser by NoosaBasics
- Remember it takes time. After treatment finished was the worst for me, it felt like forever, then all of a sudden it just made a comeback. Talking about it helped.
As life gets back to normal, don’t drop all the good things you implemented for yourself during your self care routine. You and your hair will thank you for it. If you are new to curls, or looking for a range that you can trust when it comes to ingredients, and performance. Shop the whole range now. You can get 15% off our favourite and best selling Hair Cleanser perfect for Scalp Loving Moments, not available with any offer offer. Limited Time. Enter the code STYLE at checkout.
